We all have different attachment styles, which makes communication in relationships extremely complicated. When it comes to specific attachment styles, one area that can seem extremely confusing is infidelity.
No one begins a relationship expecting their partner to cheat. However, people with certain attachment styles may view the idea of infidelity differently.
Some studies suggest the concept of infidelity is influenced by gender. How we view cheating in relationships, however, actually has more to do with attachment styles.
What Are Attachment Styles?
There are different types of attachment styles people bring into relationships which are defined as:
Secure
Dismissive
Fearful
Anxious
As you might expect, two people with different attachment styles require different aspects from their partners. While someone with a secure attachment style might not need to spend as much time with their partner in order to feel secure in the relationship, someone who is anxious might be more needy and demanding.
Co-Dependency and Infidelity
If one person in a relationship has an anxious attachment style, he or she may be dependent on their partner to feel fulfilled or even worthy, and may also experience periods of fearfulness and extreme jealousy. Individuals with this type of attachment style are often worried that their relationship will end, feeding into fears of infidelity. Oftentimes they are consumed with thoughts of their partner developing not only a sexual relationship with another, but an emotional one as well. These desperate emotions tend to compound any other issues in the relationship.
At the same time, if you’re co-dependent, you're not likely to consider straying from your relationship.
Understanding Avoidance
People with dismissive or avoidant attachment styles don’t typically want to become emotionally-invested or tied down in a relationship. So, the idea of cheating isn’t a big deal, and they tend to favor sexual relationships over emotional ones.
If you’re a co-dependent person in a relationship with someone who is dismissive or uses avoidance, it could create problems when it comes to your views on cheating. While an avoidant personality might not see sexual infidelity as a problem, you are likely to see any kind of straying, even non-sexual, as infidelity.
Making Sense of Your Attachment Styles
Attachment styles describe the manner in which people experience relationships rather than define the manner in which different personalities come together. And while some experiences pose a threat to a person with an avoidant attachment style, the same experience might not threaten one whose attachment style is secure.
It can be helpful to determine your attachment styles and try to understand how these impact on your relationship. Not only will it make just about every area of your relationship easier, it will give you an idea of where the other stands when it comes to infidelity.
Exploring each other’s attachment style can make it easier for you and your partner to reach an understanding about what you need from your relationship, and how you both can work toward making that happen for each other.
While your attachment style doesn’t give you a “free pass” to cheat on your partner it can certainly illuminate the trajectory of your relationship and highlight and understand the needs of the other.
The sooner you understand more about yourself, the more communicative and connected you can be in your relationship.
If you want to know more about attachment styles or how they might be impacting your relationship, please feel free to contact me.
I’m happy to help!